I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
