theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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