At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
