If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I'm always down for nudity.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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