you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
