Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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