You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
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Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
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all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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