You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
