the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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