Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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