1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
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