Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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