I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
