these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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