I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
