does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
So many bounce houses so little time
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
