so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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