Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
