dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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