Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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