My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
