Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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