soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
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drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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