Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
