i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
