i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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