I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
