I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
