they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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