a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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