ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
