You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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