I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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