Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
