i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
