guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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