Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
