maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
