hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
