were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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