I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
