I murdered the dance floor call the cops
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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