Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
