Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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