She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize