Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
