Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
