My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
