I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize