Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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