12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
