dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
