I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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