Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
