He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
