You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
