I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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