Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
