i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
