Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it hurts more in the daytime
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
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i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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