I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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