He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't deserve a penis
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
