my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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