my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
