mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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