There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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