Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
