Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you win again, gameday.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
