I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
