I just saw a hot homeless man
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
