Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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