I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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